DC and I just returned from a funeral (I have to call it a
funeral because "wake" or "calling hours" mean nothing to
DC).
DC's great aunt passed away earlier this week.
In all honesty, I do not
attend many wakes or funerals unless it is immediate family or a very close
friend because 1. I am not able to go anywhere without DC unless Doug is around
to stay with him and 2. DC gets very anxious, more-so now since my
step-father's funeral - he was there both days and made it through but now, in
his head he thinks that is the way it will be at every funeral (also, I do not
really know if he completely understands "death", but he does
understand that it is sad).
His Great Aunt was a wonderful woman who was always very good to
DC. She always remembered him on his birthday, Christmas and many other random
holidays, even though they did not see each other all that often.
She would call me from time to time to thank me for this or that
but also just to tell me things. She would call when she had seen DC at a
family event with his father, just to tell me what a "good looking, well-mannered
young man" he was and how he behaved so well at whatever event they had
attended. She would call me when she saw his art work or a card hanging on
anyone's refrigerator to tell me just how lovely she thought it was or just how
neat his handwriting is.
She paid attention to everything. She really loved him.
So even if by some miracle I would have been able to attend by
myself, I thought that DC really needed to attend too.
I told him as soon as I knew the date so we could talk about it
before hand; and we did – he brought it up numerous times every day.
Last night, I woke up to him practicing the sign of the cross
and saying “I am sorry for loss” (yes, we are still sleeping on the couch).
I had to circle the block twice before we went in because he
just could not calm down. Once we were in, I only had to take him outside once.
Once he saw his Aunt, Uncle, Cousin and Grandmother – he calmed
down but he was a little loud until we got to the receiving line.
“Please don’t cry”.
We talked about it enough before hand that the crying did not
upset him but he just wanted everyone to feel better, so “Please don’t cry” is
his way of showing that.
As I said earlier, she was a wonderful woman who was always very
good to DC. I am glad we were able to attend to say good-bye. I think DC kind
of understood that it was important for him to be there as well.
*****
and The Aftermath
*****
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